13 Tips For Surviving A Night In A Cabin In The Woods

3) Park as close to the cabin as you can.

Chances are, you’ll have to leave your car a sizable distance away. But you want your vehicle to be as close as possible in case you need to flee. Now, chances are you’ll die horribly well before you reach it, but it definitely doesn’t hurt to be ready. Of course, if you have the option to park next to the cabin, DO SO. And take the time to position the car so you make the quickest getaway possible.


4) Bar all entrances to the basement immediately upon arrival.

When arriving at the cabin, your first instinct will be to unpack and get situated. DO NOT DO THIS. Instead, take a look around to discover all entrances and exits to the cabin’s basement area, and then block them. Board them up. Use chains and locks. If there’s a trap door in the cabin floor, stack as many heavy objects on top of it as possible after nailing it shut. This is priority #1.

5) Do not touch anything in the cabin.

While looking around the cabin for basement access, you’ll likely see things left by the cabin’s previous inhabitants. Pretend they are all covered with the ebola virus. Do not read any journals, listen to any tapes, watch any home movies. Avoid all books, especially ones that appear to have been potentially bound in human flesh. Do not read anything from anything aloud. Do not touch dolls, weapons, anything. Don’t even use the cookware — for all you know the previous dweller was a murderer who bludgeoned all his victims to death with his sauté pan.

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